Therapy for Bi+, Pan, Queer, Fluid, and Multi-Sexual People

We all want to feel seen and understood for who we are.

For many people on the bi+ spectrum, that isn't always what happens.

People may assume you're straight. Or assume you're gay or lesbian. They may define your sexuality based on your current relationship rather than your own understanding of yourself.

After enough of these experiences, it's easy to begin second-guessing yourself.

You may wonder whether you're "really" bi enough, queer enough, certain enough—or whether other people somehow understand you better than you understand yourself.

That can be exhausting.

Therapy offers a place where you don't have to explain, defend, or prove who you are. Instead, we can become curious about your experiences, your relationships, and the ways you've learned to adapt to the world around you.

You may recognize yourself here.

Perhaps you've found yourself thinking:

• I'm tired of having to explain or defend my identity.

• People seem to define me by my relationship instead of by who I am.

• I don't want to keep coming out over and over again.

• Sometimes I wonder where I actually fit.

• I want relationships where I can be my whole self.

• I'm trying to figure out what kind of life feels authentic to me.

• I want to stop second-guessing myself.

• I wish I felt more settled in who I am.

Or perhaps you've noticed yourself feeling...

• unseen

• uncertain

• isolated

• anxious

• emotionally exhausted

• overwhelmed

• disconnected from yourself

• increasingly self-critical

These experiences don't necessarily mean something is wrong with you.

Often, they make sense.

Like all human beings, we adapt to the environments we grow up and live in.

If important parts of who we are are ignored, questioned, misunderstood, or rejected, it makes sense that our minds begin trying to protect us.

We may become quieter.

More careful.

More uncertain.

We may start paying closer attention to other people's interpretations of us than to our own experience.

Those responses aren't signs that something is wrong with you. They're understandable adaptations to the environments you've had to navigate.

Over time, repeatedly having your experiences questioned or dismissed can make it harder to feel confident expressing yourself, trusting your own perceptions, or feeling that you truly belong.

None of that means something is wrong with you.

It means your mind has been trying to help you navigate difficult environments.

Therapy isn't about deciding who you are.

It's about creating enough safety and curiosity that you can hear yourself more clearly again.

One of the things I find most helpful in therapy is becoming curious about how your mind learned these patterns. When we understand why they developed, we often discover that they made sense at the time—even if they're no longer serving us in the ways we'd like.

When we understand ourselves more accurately, we have more choice in how we respond.

We aren't simply reacting anymore.

Together we might explore:

• understanding your own identity and story

• navigating coming out—or deciding who needs to know

• recovering from experiences of bi-erasure and invalidation

• relationships and dating

• family relationships

• anxiety, depression, and stress

• self-worth

• loneliness and finding community

• communication and boundaries

• grief and life transitions

• gender exploration

• queer parenting

• polyamorous, ethically non-monogamous, and kink-affirming relationships

Some of these concerns are specific to being on the bi+ spectrum.

Others are simply part of being human.

Often they're woven together.

The perspective I bring

I first came out as a lesbian in 1992, and a few years later came to understand myself as queer/bi/pan. Since then, I've spent decades thinking about, researching, and living many of the experiences that people on the bisexual spectrum describe.

I know what it's like to have your identity assumed based on your current relationship. I know that coming out isn't always a one-time event. And I know that bisexuality often remains misunderstood—even within LGBTQ2S+ communities.

My lived experience isn't the focus of therapy, but it does mean you don't have to spend our sessions convincing me that your experiences are real.

Instead, we can spend our time understanding your experience, making sense of it, and helping you develop a more accurate understanding of yourself and the kind of life and relationships you want to build.

My hope for our work together

One of the things I find most meaningful about therapy is watching people gradually become less focused on proving themselves to other people, and more interested in understanding themselves more accurately.

Over time, many people become clearer about who they are, what matters to them, and how they want to live.

Not because someone else gives them the answers.

But because they begin trusting themselves again.

My hope is that, over time, you spend less energy wondering whether your experiences are valid, and more energy building a life that feels like your own.

Whatever brings you here, my hope is that therapy becomes a place where more of your experiences begin to make sense—not because someone else defines them for you, but because you come to understand yourself more accurately.

You deserve a place where all of you is welcome.

I welcome clients who identify as:

• Bi+

• Bisexual

• Pansexual

• Queer

• Fluid

• Questioning

• Non-binary

• Trans

• Two-Spirit

• Lesbian

• Gay

• LGBTQ2S+

I provide an affirming, welcoming space for people in polyamorous, ethically non-monogamous, sex worker, and kink communities.

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Want to read more? — Bi+ people may have particular challenges feeling understood in their close relationships.